


Sex, Drugs, and Piracy: A One Piece Parody

by StarshipDancer



Category: One Piece
Genre: I don't know why I wrote this, Other, Parody, Parody Fic, Please Don't Ask, There is no sex, and i don't even know, and references, bad things happen, but there are drugs and piracy, i was high on energy drinks when i wrote this, teenagers are driving a boat, while high on drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 17:23:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6713989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarshipDancer/pseuds/StarshipDancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written very late at night for my best friend's online school assignment about drug abuse. Somehow, it took a turn toward One Piece...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex, Drugs, and Piracy: A One Piece Parody

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this here in all it's unedited glory. I am not proud that we (by we, I mean me, while my best friend giggled and struggled between telling me to be serious and encouraging me in every way she could) wrote this and turned it in for a grade, but the story has lived on as an important moment of misjudgment and insanity in our lives. 
> 
> The project was supposed to be an article on how drugs affect our community… I rather liked the end result, but her teacher didn't get my… erm, point.

The Consequences of Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n' Roll, and Piracy

There once was a teenager named Gold Rodger who was King of the Pirates. He had fame, power, and wealth beyond his wildest dreams, but he was on drugs. These drugs caused him to do many incredulous things. He jumped off the plank and into the ocean while under the influence, and he buried all his treasure in the famed Grand Line, where he was not able to find it again. He got caught for driving a boat without a permit or a liscenced driver at the mast. Before they hung him from the gallows, these are the final words he said:

"My fortune is yours for the taking, but you'll have to find it first. I left everything I own in One Piece."

Then, they hung him for being under the influence of drugs while driving a ship. Ever since, pirates from all over the world have set out for the Grand Line, searching for One Piece, the treasure that would make their dreams come true. Surveys showed that many who departed on this dangerous journey were teenagers also under the influence.

YO!

Alas, the idiot Monkey D. Luffy, a thirteen-year-old kid whose biggest aspiration in life was to be a pirate, and his crew of misfits-including a thief, a swordsman who just reached puberty, a spoiled, rich chef who didn't know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and the family dog with a large and pink hat- were pressured by all their pirate friends into searching for the treasure, they departed on a ship for the Grand Line. None of them knew how to steer a ship, and they forgot to take food, water, or a working cell phone. Stil, the crew of misfits discovered the location of Gold Rodger's treasure, and when they opened it, the 'treasure' was just a chest full of drugs. So these teenagers got high to drown out their sorrows, got on their boat, and crashed into the nearest landmass.

The moral of the story? Don't do drugs, teens. Or drive ships. Or, for that matter, chase after stupid treasure buried by kids who smoked all their brain cells away with pot. Also, don't let thirteen year olds drive on these boats...or sing on these boats... (That's a Rebecca Black reference, in case you missed that…)

Just remember the drugs part. Don't get behind the wheel under the influence, and leave the drugs to stupid pirates.

(No boats were harmed in the making of this article, but teenagers were brutally massacred on a ship because of drugs and peer pressure. )

She got a 5 on the assignment because her teacher missed our genius point. Her grade was bumped up to a…74, we think, after she added the following:

Drug abuse is a major problem in the teenage community. This is because of the ready availability and the lack of interesting activities to captivate a teenager. This problem may be helped by finding activities that are either cheap or free so that one can be doing healthy activities that can distract them from drug use. I feel as if this problem will and can affect many people; whether they be strangers or friends and family.

This is because of indirect and direct effects. A person can indirectly affect a person by the person under drug influnces being a possible roll model to younger, more impretionable individuals. If the individual is looking up to someone with an addiction the they might try to develope a habit for the drugs also. A direct affect of the drug abuse would be the more cliche example of car accidents. A person under the influnce could be a driver and injure themselves, people with them, or innocent padestrians.

Ways to deal with the problem of drugs is to call local drug abuse hotlines or call the local community center. Community centers often have people who are willing to talk to an individual about their addictions or may even be able to help by giving advice that one can use to help their friends. They are also good for free activities that can interest a person and when you don't think about drugs you're not doing drugs. Out of sight, out of mind, not in use.

**Author's Note:**

> Now, in my opinion, the pirate thing was much more interesting. Oh well. At least she was able to redo her grade! Thanks for reading.


End file.
